Dear everyone who I used to have thai food with,
I guess this might be considered rude and passive aggressive because I could name names. I could actually reach out to the people who haven’t talked to in months rather than posting an indirect blog post about it- but I’m not because I don’t mean to actually reach out to you- I mean to make a point.
Don’t I always?
Here are some things:
- yeah, I miss you sometimes
- But I miss Thai food more
- Do you ever wonder how long it takes to become irrelevant? Leave without prior notice and you’ll know in about six months. You do wonder about all the people who you’ve unintentionally cut off ties with. How are they now? Are they still stuck with the same dude they were in a relationship with before? Have they finally come out of the closet? Wait, but is the world still under the illusion of closets and coming out of them? But this is the perhaps the most pressing of all the questions:
- You will wonder about how long it took for you to become irrelevant to them. Was it out-of-sight-out-of-mind? Did it take a few months? Still, your wonderings get even better:
- You wonder about how long it took for them to become irrelevant to you.
- To be honest, not more than a month.
So then, what the hell is friendship really? How many so called “deep” friendships have I had that didn’t make it through my greatest transformation? It’s borderline embarrassing to think of all the “We’ll be friends forever” that passed between my friends and I that didn’t actually become fruit when it came down to it. Honestly, it wasn’t even a friendship if you didn’t extrapolate that to the future.
Because the greatest ‘maya’ or illusion that life can put you through is to make it seem, even if its for one second, that things are going to stay the same. And I vaguely remember college being this middle time when all we really wanted was for some things to stay the same- your boyfriend or girlfriend, your tight-knit friend group (drama and all)….your grades (I actually laughed at that last one. Jesus, I actually forgot about being stressed about my GPA).
Now, I don’t really have friends.
I have a gigantic world-wide family.
Who you’re not afraid to do your worst laugh with. Who not only ‘see’ you through your ups and downs but who aren’t afraid-whatever it takes- to make you snap out of it. It’s called ‘sangha’ in hindu terms, the adopted family you have once you take up a spiritual life. It’s more than just family too because we hold each other to our highest potential- to be Sadashiva.
But, I guess none of that warrants me breaking off ties with people I used to be friends with. Yes, a lot of things are irrelevant to me now. Okay, not a lot of things. Literally everything. But in the end, I can’t really say “I’m passed all that now”. Because I’m not. The people I’ve adopted into my inner space now or at one point in my life- they’re happiness is and has always been my happiness.
This letter is not just to make a point. I take that back. I can just question what the societal construct of friendship is. I can show you that judging by how long it takes for me to become irrelevant that our deepest friendship as we know it is as flaky and fake as, well, we all have respective images for what can be flaky and fake, so cue that image.
Or I can defy this societal construct. Even sitting in my beyond-society adheenam life, I will keep my friendships alive as long as they want to. Friendship is about holding each other to the higher potential that they declare. So, hey friends, whoever you are- expect a message from me soon
P.s You can call me whatever you want yo